So Far

 i always wondered what it felt like to have Covid.

In March 2020 when lockdown was announced, it had been a few weeks someone at work was coughing and looked sick, and when he finally went to get help, was dismissed for causing nuisance...sitting with everyone else in waiting room,

I was similarly dismissed with profound disregard at my local Practice for showing with my test to ask what to do with it.

I rarely operate in groups, ride a bike, and protect myself and others with a mask, until recently when I relaxed slightly, these past few weeks, including teaching a group class in proximity for 3 hours or more without a mask...

And after that first encounter in March 2020 when we could not test our health, went on 3 years without a hitch wondering what it was like, from so many different accounts and so many not recovering, sadly.

So I had an encounter last Monday and woke up after a horror night where I hardly slept due to pain in whole body, bones and muscles, especially lower back I could not move, and my head was going to explode if it could... I wondered how much more a skull could contain, it was havoc in there, probably swollen to the max, and pushing out with bumping resonance.

At some stage I recited the one prayer my granddad taught me as a child, and every time I cannot sleep it does the trick  knocked myself out with these comforting words, and went straight into hell. It was like dying and possibly come back alive when the prayer wore off an hour or so later, and it felt timeless.

My back was layered horizontally in what felt like 2 discs, layered on top of each other with a space in between, and it was like a giant hand crushed me the whole time

My head was a giant space filled with black geometric pieces broken and the hurt was crushing

My voice was horrid when I called the centre to say I would not be able to teach.

I made myself  go to bed all day to recover the lack of sleep. When evening came.... I thought how is this combat going to pan out? My head was bursting with knocks inside, my throat was swollen and sometimes I could not breathe  properly. So I had stopped aspirins, and covered myself with natural creams involving healing plants, drunk some rosemary water, vomited, and decided to go with it, not fight it, embrace it, I took a long breath, another one, another one, the thumping headache stopped, I brought peace within, as my granddads prayer did. 

Sometimes I think we get sick because we are not happy with what is happening, if we need to escape a situation, this is it...

I do think this was the case with me, and I do need to make peace with outside influences seemingly taking over... rebalancing my own sense of authority and life purpose without outside negative power driven currents misdirecting the creative course of my work.

Creativeness is my solid health, and I discovered how my breath connects it all, and what that means in scientific terms, but like Einstein who waited and observed the irregular orbit patterns of Mercury to prove his theory before exposing it, I am also holding my theory back, to maybe one day be able to substantiate it for the wider audience.

With the help of planets, of course...